We would all be perfectionists if we had EXACT STROKE REHAB PROTOCOLS LEADING TO 100% RECOVERY. But we have shitty guidelines instead. Blame your doctor and stroke hospital for not even attempting to create 100% recovery protocols. What is their excuse?
How Perfectionism Can Poison Progress After a Brain Injury
Have you ever heard the saying “perfect is the enemy of the good?” This truism is never truer than when recovering from a brain injury. Unsurprisingly, many people who have a stroke, concussion, or traumatic brain injury describe themselves as “type A” personalities. Shocker, I know. However, perfectionism can be a huge barrier to progress.
At
first, the perfectionist personality trait really helps the recovery
process. These survivors attack their exercises with a superhuman zeal.
They can keep this up for several weeks, ignoring everything else in
their lives and focusing completely on their recovery. This is like the
honeymoon phase of therapy. Every session is exciting and you are
healing rapidly in those first few months. Visible healing is always
nice and it starts this great momentum, but then it slows. Sessions
become more arduous as your limiting beliefs start to take hold and you
get into your disability process as well as your healing process. What
this means to a perfectionist is “it has been a year and I thought I
would be better by now.” Does this sound familiar?
A
disability process is a lifelong journey of discovering limitations and
deciphering when to challenge or accept these limits. Working hard,
becoming very focused on your goals and attacking challenges in your
life is not perfectionism. I think these things tend to get conflated,
but true perfectionism often results in procrastination and paralysis.
The perfectionist discards the process mindset in exchange for a
results mindset that does not fit with the disability experience. It
doesn’t mean you don’t try hard. It means you try hard as hell without
immediate results.
The
perfectionist in rehabilitation often burns bright in the beginning and
then flames out fairly quickly, as a result of these four bad habits:
- Intense focus on the time frame of their healing.
- Inability to integrate former and current self.
- Lack of mental flexibility
- Lack of self-compassion
Putting
a time frame on your recovery and measuring your progress daily is akin
to watching water transform from room temperature to boiling. Your focus
does not make it boil faster. Let your doctor and therapist worry about
arbitrary degrees for insurance reimbursement. You do not have to
immerse yourself in the weeds. You have enough to worry about and it is
more than a little frustrating to watch the needle move five degrees
forward and ten degrees back. Recovery is not linear and time is a
linear measurement.
Integrating
your former and current self is a topic worthy of a lengthy novel, but
for the sake of my attention span and yours, I will get to the point. I
am not a fan of the “new normal.” It isn’t about forgetting who you were
before your accident, but embracing yourself more fully and integrating
some of the challenges and benefits of your current situation. Yes,
benefits; you can learn the value of your life, who your friends are and
rise above the BS of poor priorities.
The disability experience has long
shadows, but it sheds light too. Mental flexibility is key to enjoying
the life you almost lost and progressing into the life you want.
However, it can be very hard to achieve. Sometimes as a result of the
part of your brain that was injured and sometimes as a result of
clinging to what your recovery “should be,” it can seem impossible.
Maybe you thought if you worked single-mindedly on this one task it
would become easier, but thousands of new barriers emerged. Tackle those
barriers; make that other task a long term goal. Step back and have the
mental flexibility to allow yourself to be both challenged and a
challenger at the same time.
Self-compassion
does not mean you are indulgent, lazy or destined to be swallowed by
your couch. It is not self-pity and it doesn’t lead to self-loathing. It
is the voice of your best friend, your kindest aunt and your truest
teacher. It is the voice that says “Today was hard and I struggled, but
that does not mean I am bad or that it won’t get better.” A little bit
of self-compassion goes a long way toward achieving your goals. Instead
of punishing yourself and feeding that mean little monster on your
shoulder, give yourself a break.
You
do not have to be perfect to be happy. We know this, but truly
accepting this into your mind and heart is a process. I want to
encourage you to imagine what happiness would look like, today, despite
anything you perceive as flawed. Imagine that you are whole and content
with all the baggage, the hurt and the broken pieces. Finally, lean into
this fundamental truth:: You are imperfect and still worthy of healing
and a good life.
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