I have a lot of people that I can confide in. And all because I got divorced.
There’s one thing almost all happy people have in common
The longest-running study of adult life has tracked what actually predicts happiness and health for nearly a century.
Key Takeaways
- In an 88-year Harvard study, relationship satisfaction was a stronger predictor of long-term health and happiness than wealth, career success, or even cholesterol levels.
- A small group of close, trustworthy friends benefits you more than a wide circle of acquaintances, and those relationships work as real protective buffers against life’s stressors, lowering cortisol and improving resilience.
- The strongest connections come from feeling safe enough to disagree, express negative feelings, and repair conflict, rather than avoiding it or performing perfectly.
What does it take to be happy? It’s a question some people spend their lifetime trying to answer. But thanks to an 88-year-long study, we finally have an answer.
Since it began in 1938, the Harvard Study of Adult Development has grown to become the longest study of adult life ever conducted. This includes collecting data on what best predicts health and well-being—including happiness—later in life.
Roughly 30 years ago, researchers began to observe a connection between close relationships and happiness. Though it’s not definitive proof that relationships cause happiness, the data suggest that they’re a better indicator of happiness than wealth, fame, hard work, intelligence, or “good” genes. Here’s what the long-running study has found, and what it means for how we invest our time and attention every day.
What the Study Tells Us About Happiness
In short, the study has found that having strong, healthy relationships is one of the biggest factors in living a happy and healthy life. “People who were more satisfied with their relationships in middle age were usually healthier when they got older, recovered from illnesses better, and lived longer,” says Cynthia Vejar, PhD, the director and associate professor of clinical mental health counseling at Lebanon Valley College. For example, the researchers found that relationship satisfaction at age 50 was a better predictor of health at age 80 than cholesterol levels.
More specifically, the research found that having high-quality relationships is the strongest predictor of happiness, physical health, and longevity. “On the flip side, the study demonstrated the detrimental effects of social isolation, noting that loneliness is a significant risk factor for poorer physical health, increased cognitive decline, worse mental health, and shorter lifespan,” says Gina Radice-Vella, PsyD, chief psychologist at Jersey Shore University Medical Center.
One important distinction, however, is that it’s not necessarily the quantity of relationships you have—instead, the quality of the relationships matters. “Having a smaller group of close, trustworthy, and supportive friends has greater benefits than having many acquaintances,” Radice-Vella explains.
The Benefits of High-Quality Relationships
High-quality, satisfying relationships serve as protective buffers against life’s stressors.
“Research indicates that individuals with high relationship satisfaction are better able to cope with the negative effects of poor health, leading to better outcomes and better overall health,” Radice-Vella says. “Feeling a sense of secure connection reduces overall activation of our body’s stress response system, lowering cortisol levels and improving overall functioning.”
Social connections and a support system can be important when we’re confronted with some of life’s most stressful events, such as job loss, loss of a loved one, a serious health condition, and divorce, among other things, she says. “They can remind us of our value when our self-esteem is bruised, and cheer us on when we’re not feeling optimistic,” she explains. “They can redirect our mood with a long, comforting phone call, stopping by to provide company, or to take a walk or to grab a bite or cup of coffee.”
Strong relationships also provide a sense of emotional security. “People who experience being accepted for who they are, feeling understood by others, and having someone to support them through the ups and downs in life can have a more resilient response to stressors,” says Kat Grassetti, LCSW, clinical director at Monima Wellness. “They will still have hardships, but at least the hardships will be easier to manage, and they won’t feel so isolated.
What Do High-Quality Relationships Look Like?
The healthiest relationships are not completely drama-free. In fact, the Harvard study notes that high-quality relationships don’t have to be free from conflict.
Rather, higher-quality connections are based on trusting each other consistently and respecting one another, rather than being perfect. “This provides a space for individuals to have the ability to express negative feelings without fear of criticism, and an opportunity to resolve disagreements as opposed to avoiding them,” Grassetti says. “Often, feeling emotional safety in order to be genuine is much more important with regard to having a healthy connection with someone as opposed to never disagreeing.”
High-quality relationships are based on trust, support, and respect. “They are relationships where people can be honest with each other, rely on one another during difficult times, and feel accepted for who they are,” Vejar says. “The study also found that couples who were happy in their marriages were better able to stay positive even when they experienced health problems later in life.”
But that’s not all: The study highlights the importance of tending to the relationship. “In other words, maintaining strong relationships requires ongoing and intentional effort and attention,” Radice-Vella says.
What the Study Can Teach Us About Time and Energy
The results of the Harvard Study confirm what many of us have long suspected: A fulfilling life is not achieved through accomplishments, earnings, or belongings. “Instead, genuine happiness is defined by the people we surround ourselves with and how we nurture our relationships and connections with others,” Radice-Vella says.
The research findings also suggest that we should prioritize actions that enhance the quality of relationships, like cultivating kindness, being fully present and engaged when with our loved ones, repairing conflict rather than avoiding it, and expressing gratitude and positive sentiments on a regular basis. “If you want to improve your life, invest in your relationships,” Radice-Vella says.
Additionally, the study found that people who were more satisfied with their relationships in middle age were more likely to stay healthy later in life—demonstrating that those relationships can make a difference over time. “This is especially important because society often places a lot of emphasis on becoming financially successful, landing the ‘perfect job,’ or, in today’s digital age, building a personal brand and gaining recognition,” Vejar says. “While these goals can be meaningful, the study suggests that investing time and energy into strong relationships may have an even greater impact on long-term health and happiness.”
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