Are you recovered enough to be happy? Or did your incompetent? doctor fail you?
My resilience story: I would still be leading a life of quiet desperation if still married.
(Life is definitely better as I age, I got divorced enhancing my happiness immeasurably. I'm retired and comfortably well off. And healthy as I can be post stroke. I'm going to live a long time yet.)
A happier retirement contains these 3 elements
What’s the secret of a rich, rewarding retirement?
It’s as simple as ABC: agency, belonging and cause.
That’s how Bruce Feiler, author of “A Time to Gather” and other books, spells out the three factors that give life meaning. “Agency” is wielding power and autonomy in choosing how to live; “belonging” is forging social ties with others; and “cause” is serving a higher purpose.
With these three ingredients in place, the odds of a satisfying retirement soar, he says. By making intentional decisions aligned with your goals and values, leading an active social life and contributing to a cause that elevates your spirit, you’re bound to feel more happy and fulfilled.
“It’s a tool kit for navigating retirement,” Feiler said. “It’s the same for navigating any life transition, like an illness, a move or the loss of a loved one.”
Many retirees struggle to find purpose or structure once they’re done with the routine of a traditional job, which can lead to loneliness and isolation. As people live longer, it’s not unusual for retirement to last 20 to 30 years.
Here’s how to assess how well you know and apply these three critical elements:
Agency: Examine how much control you feel you have over your everyday life. By choosing “what we are, what we create and what we do,” as Feiler says, we’re more apt to serve as our own director, rather than letting external factors direct us.(I'm completely in control, know enough to say no when needed.)
Related video: 8 simple ways to make the most of retirement and enjoy every day (En Pareja)
(Trying to get stroke solved to 100% is a humongous challenge! Getting through the fossilized brains of stroke medical 'professionals' I haven't figured out yet.
And I think a lot of funerals will need to occur before we get the right strategy and leadership to GET THERE!
Even if all three elements are present in your life, try adding more, the author says.
“Pick a personal project for A, B and C,” Feiler said. “I’m tempted to say start small, but some people like to start big.”
To gain more agency, for example, you can tend the garden for an hour or write your autobiography. Let your motivation level determine the size and scope of the project.
At the same time, cut yourself some slack. As you age, you may face limitations on your ability to exert agency, socialize often and embrace a cause.
“The ABCs are very important,” said Teresa Amabile, a professor emerita at Harvard Business School. “But they’re not of equal importance.”
One focus plays a paramount role in enhancing your retirement years: belonging.
The biggest predictor of longevity and happiness is the quality of our relationships, according to the Study of Adult Development, which has tracked participants and their descendants for nearly 90 years.
“Belonging is very critical,” said Amabile, co-author of “Retiring: Creating a Life That Works for You.” “Relationships make a huge difference in life satisfaction. That’s certainly very true in retirement.”
Even if you were somewhat lonely or less satisfied with your past relationships, it’s not too late to find more comradeship and support in retirement. Maintaining an openness to people — and a willingness to strengthen connections with everyone from distant or estranged family members to friends, acquaintances and strangers — enables you to benefit from more social interaction.
Read: The future of retirement? Work until you die.
The obstacles of the alphabet
It’s not always easy to follow through with your ABCs. Obstacles abound.
Amabile warns that we may lose some agency despite our best efforts.
“There’s only so much control we can exert over our lives and circumstances,” she said. “So it’s necessary to figure out when we can’t control things and find out how to adapt.”
Moreover, it takes confidence and positivity to pilot your life. You need to believe that you can wield control over your choices and resist outside forces that try to influence you.
To forge better social connections, weigh whether shyness, cynicism or snap judgments of others hold you back.
“People have gremlins,” said Barbara Waxman, a San Francisco-based gerontologist and coach. “There are naysayers on our shoulders who hold us back, that voice of self-doubt.”
“If you get a social invitation, recognize the moment as a decision point,” said Patrice Jenkins, a retirement consultant and author of “What Will I Do All Day?” “Don’t default to say ‘no’ and settle into what’s comfortable.”
You can’t flip a switch and apply the ABCs all at once. Retirement unfolds in stages. But by making strides in integrating agency, belonging and cause into your life, you pave the way for a smooth transition.
Read: Couples with a big age gap need more money — they have to plan for two retirements
